Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Did You Just Say Meow?

I risked my life today to set free a feral cat. Set it free from the very trap I placed a can of "Special Kitty" cat food in to lure the little MF'er into the trap in the first place. I hate these friggin cats and I hate the dumb-ass old lady who lives in the house behind me who keeps feeding them even more. And I do wish she would stop coming outside in her nightgown and also that her husband would not ride his bike around the neighborhood shirtless. Because he is old. And yes, men can get saggy tits too. Actually I consider his tits to be more soggy than saggy. But anyway...the cats. The nasty, filthy, feral cats who kill rodents in my yard and leave their innards spread out in the grass for me to clean up so the kids don't step on them and then track squirrel intestines through my house. And piss everywhere and holy shit does cat piss stink! There were 4 feral cats and I have successfully captured two and the animal police came and picked them up and that was exciting!!! Plus one raccoon, and now I know why they say not to leave the traps out overnight. But the raccoon was sleeping and actually had to be encouraged to leave the trap once I got it opened. And my (man) neighbor was watching and screaming "it's rabid, it's rabid!" Oh, and my husband was watching out the window because he apparently had some raccoon trauma as a child. And for real, that raccoon was cute (and sleepy.) But the cat? That thing was out of it's effing skull. I had to get gloves, and a coat, and a shield and a butcher knife to go near it. And set it free. Because the animal police people are done work at 4:00 and it was 4:20 and they were closed. And wouldn't be back for about 17 hours which is too long according to the paperwork they gave me to leave the thing in there. My husband was all "don't set it free, it's the smart one, it's the one we've been waiting to get." And while this is true and it was in fact, The Smart Cat it was going meow meow meow in this little sad voice and fucking shit could it be that I have a heart?! For this bastard cat that I hate and makes my sun room smell like piss when it rains? So yeah, it took a long time and it was very scary but I did get the trap open and set the cat from hell who was no longer going meow meow meow it was more like growl hiss growl free. Because I just felt so bad for it. At that moment anyway. I will not feel bad tomorrow morning when I put another can of "Special Kitty" in the back of that trap and set the spring loaded door. Don't mistake kindness for weakness you furry little fuck.

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