Monday, December 29, 2008

ii Am A Loser

I bought this game last night. For myself. I do love me some horsies. But still, I am 38 and all. Earlier in the day I had taken my son to use a gift card he had gotten for Christmas. He was getting a game for his new Wii. And while he was looking around I spotted this. Gallop & Ride. Ooohhh doesn't that sound fun girls? You get to create your own horse, groom it, and take it for rides on the beach or through the woods. You also get to renovate The Old Mill Ranch. This was like a dream come true for me all from the comfort of my own home. And for only twenty bucks.
I walked around the store with it in my hand for a few minutes but then told myself how pathetic I really was and put it back. Then I dropped my son off at his friends and drove home. Right past the video game store. And I didn't want to do it but the ponies made me. So I went back and I got it. I galloped home and showed my husband, who by the way, couldn't make too much fun of me because he had taken our younger son's new Wii out of his room and brought it downstairs so he could play tennis and bowling on the 65 inch television. I went into my older son's room and got down to business with my newly aquired ranch that had been left to me by my "Grandfather."
But I have to tell you, the horsies are not all fun and games. These bitches are high maintenance to say the least. Not to mention trying to renovate the Riding Hall and guest houses. My definite low point was when I stabbed the sensitive part of my horse's hoof three times while cleaning it. She didn't like that and it caused her trust level to go way down. I did try and make it up to her with a good brushing though. I am now s-l-o-w-l-y gaining her trust back. Tomorrow she just may let me ride her. We'll see how it goes.
So I may be busy for a while. I have a lot more responsibilities now. The husband, two kids, job, and house really have me hemmed up as it is. Throw in an entire ranch that needs tons of work and several very large yet sensitive animals and I have no idea when I will even have time to shower.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Q and A with Peyton's Mom

Yay! Peyton's Mom picked me for a fun question and answer session. (It could be because like the blog-stalker that I am I made sure I was first to beg her to do so.)
I "met" Peyton when I became her ChemoAngel. I can not tell you how excited I was to be an angel to a little girl. Being surrounded by boys and never experiencing the pleasure of picking out gifts that were pink, frilly, princessy, and froo-froo I had fun, fun, FUN choosing things for Peyton.
When you sign on to be a ChemoAngel you do so with the understanding that you will most likely never hear from your "buddy" or their family. This is completely understandable and I would never expect any contact. I am so happy to say this was not the case with Peyton. Her mom e-mailed me many times to say thank you and send me pictures of Peyton looking too freaking adorable in one of her famous clothing ensembles. And my heart just about melted when Peyton sent me a picture she had drawn of her and I.
Over time "Peyton's Mom" became Anissa. Not only a wonderful mom, Anissa is also a wonderful friend. And as a bonus she is funny as shit.
So here are Anissa's deep thought provoking questions and my answers:

1.Who would you rather walk in on you during an "intimate" moment? Your kids or your grandparents?

Okay I have to admit-when I read this question the first time I apparently MISREAD it. Because I thought what was being asked was who I would rather walk in on. Which-eeww, yuck, gag, and neither. But once I read it again I thought eeww, yuck, gag, and neither. However I guess I have to pick one. So I'll go with the grandparents. For so many reasons.

2. If you had to pick a best friend from a TV show, who could you see yourself palling around with?

Dr. G from the show Dr. G on Discovery Health. Although I suppose if we were friends I would call her Jan. And every day would be Take Your BFF to Work Day. I could then watch her perform the Standard Y Incision without the fuzzy blur obscuring my view.
Weird but true.

3. If you had to pick a different religion from the one you observe, what would it be?

I would choose Catholic. I love, love, love, Saints. Although my actual religion (Methodist) does not believe in praying to Saints, I do. My favorite is St. Anthony. I find all things about Saints facinating.

4. If money and kids were no option what car would you buy?

Cadillac Escalade ESV Platinum. Heated steering wheel, cooling cup holders and over $84,000 of pure luxury. Also totally unrealistic in my life.

5. What is the toy that you never got that you'd still sort of like to have?

Baby Alive. My mom said I couldn't have her because she'd get bugs. But I had a real alive baby and he never got got bugs so I think she may have been lying to me.

Done. And I would love to be the asker of some questions but I may, on a good day, have 3 people that read my blog. But if you happen to be one of those 3 and want me to ask you some seriously meaningful questions about yourself leave a comment.
Thanks Anissa!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Advice Column

Dear Little Advice Voice in My Head,
Sometimes I really want to punch my son in the mouth. He has a horribly nasty attitude toward me and talks to me like I am the stupidest person in the world. He is almost 13. What should I do?

Dear You,
Wait 5 years. Then punch that kid in his mouth. He'll be 18 by then and you will be charged with simple assault instead of child abuse. It sounds a lot better.
Little Advice Voice in Your Head

My Mom's a dork.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

I'm in Lust

Is it possible to make sweet, sweet love to appliances?

If so me and these guys are having a threesome.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Gift Giving Tip #1

The book Thinner, by Stephen King, yeah...don't buy it for your niece for her twelfth birthday.
Even if she is smart and a very advanced reader.
Because when you read the back of the book where it tells you what it's about you may think it is an appropriate gift. When you read that it is a story about a man who accidentally runs into an old gypsy woman with his car and kills her and then her father puts a curse on him which makes him lose a whole bunch of weight (which by the way does not sound like a curse to me) you might possibly think it is an okay thing to get for your horror story loving niece.
But they fail to mention the reason why the man runs into the old woman in the first place. They fail to mention what his wife was doing to him while he was driving and why he was distracted.
However they do talk about it a whole lot throughout the entire book. Graphically.

For Christmas I'm gonna take her to a therapist.

Monday, December 8, 2008

It's your first time so make it count

Sooooo...thinking about my first post and what to write has not come to me like a bolt of lightning as I hoped it would. Perhaps I am not as clever and quick-witted as I like to think I am. Or maybe my life is just reeaallyy boring. Either way I figure I need to take the plunge and just write something.

So here I go.

And honestly, this is very lazy of me because I wrote this awhile back. Like two months ago.On good old-fashioned paper and a quill dipped in ink. But even though it is not October anymore I still think it's important. It's something that has become very important to me personally. I honestly can't say why or how it started but it has become a passion in my life. At the way too old age of thirty-seven I decided to go back to college and pursue my dream of becoming a nurse. My ultimate goal is to work with pediatric cancer patients. They are my heroes.

Anyway here's what I wrote.

I live in one of those little towns that has a "Main Street" lined with quaint little shops and restaurants. There is always an event taking place from a farmers market to a car show to a concert. It is a fun street that has something to offer for everyone.
As everybody knows October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Nowhere is this more apparent to me than on this street. Pink lights are strung overhead from building to building, large pink bows adorn trees, storefront lighting has gone temporarily pink, and the question on every body's lips is "Are you Pink"? During the month of October the merchants on this street are supporting the cause in whatever way they can, donating money to the Susan G. Komen Foundation. A bank will donate one hundred dollars for every loan closed. A jewelry store offers thirty percent off all pink jewelry and then donates the proceeds. A dentist will donate one dollar for each patient who wears pink to their appointment. I think that this is wonderful. It is an awesome show of support from so many in a fight against a horrible disease that has robbed millions of their mothers,sisters,wives,and daughters. It will be a glorious day when a cure is found and no woman ever has to lose her life to breast cancer again. But a cure takes research and research costs money and that's where the fund-raising and donations come in. So to my little town and all the others who dedicate the month of October to Breast Cancer Awareness I applaud you. You are doing a wonderful thing that is so important to so many.
Now let's backtrack a little...about a month or September. Do you know what September is? The first day of school for your kids? A three day weekend for Labor Day? The beginning of autumn? September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. The color of the ribbon for Childhood Cancer Awareness is gold. You might not know about this, I wouldn't be surprised if you don't. You can't go into Target and buy a gold toaster or knives with gold handles. The lid on your yogurt container is not decorated with a gold ribbon. And I've never seen anyone wearing socks to show their support for Childhood Cancer Awareness. Or maybe you just don't WANT to hear about it. It is,after all too sad and depressing to even think about. Who wants to think about little girls with no hair,children whose faces and little bellies are bloated from steroids,or a three year old who doesn't know his ABCs but can pronounce rhabdomyosarcoma perfectly? "Idontwanttohearaboutit" you might say quickly when the topic comes up. Maybe a friend of a friend's friend had a neighbor who knew someone who had a child who died from cancer. You don't want to know because it's too sad,maybe you have children and hearing that a child actually died has hit a little too close to home. But just because you close your ears and eyes it doesn't go away. Just because you ignore something does not mean it no longer exists. There are some parents not as fortunate because they can't ignore it. Not for one second. Because their child does have cancer. Or they did have cancer. But they died. Because life is not always sunshine and rainbows. Even if you like to think it is. Cancer is real,and kids can get cancer. And it sucks. Everyone needs to be aware of this.
So my question is this. How can I help Childhood Cancer Awareness Month be recognized? What can we do to get the word out? Is there any way that we can make an entire community come together and string gold lights from the treetops? How can we make it so that the question "Are you Gold"? would be understood by everyone? Every day children are diagnosed with cancer,every day children die from cancer and really it is not as uncommon as you may think. There needs to be more money,for more research so less children lose their lives to this disease. It has to start somewhere.
September of 2008 passed quietly without so much as a whisper of gold in my town. How about yours? Are you gold?

So now you have like 9 months to think about it. You can create an entire human being in that amount of time right? Stepping off my soapbox now and don't say mean things to me like I'm against Breast Cancer Awareness because I'm not.

And that's my first post. It's important to me. I hope it meant something to you.